Friday, August 28, 2015

Twice as hard

To work twice as hard is to never know the meaning of no . 
Yes 
Sure 
Of course 
I would love to 
No problem 
Yeah 
Okay 
That's fine 
I'm tired 
I can't . I mean I can 
Yes 
Mhmm
I'm exhausted 
Yes 
Gasps for air 
Tight chest 
This is too much 
Yes
Uh huh
Sure 
Okay .
I'd be glad to .
Hard work pays off 
When will I be rewarded ?
Will I live to count my coins ? 

How

They asked her, How were you able to get over him?
How were you able to pull yourself together?
Perception will have us fooled.
Smiles and laughter are read as positive.
Laugh through your pain.
Smile and everything will fall into place.
Positive thinking. Positive living.
Positivity has limits.
Artificial happiness. She could no longer subscribe to it.
How does one become joyful in the midst of pain?
What is unusual about pain?
If someone pinches you, do you not feel?
How did you pull yourself together?
How did you get over it?
She simply allowed herself to be.
If there were a quick recipe. How quick we would fall in and out of love.
But we are humans
We feel.
Allow yourself to feel.
Allow yourself to be.
Be strong for no one.
Be vulnerable for you.
Perception will have us fooled.
We long for smiles.
Artificial happiness

Abstract intelligence

Abstract intelligence
Unable to tell sadness from excitement
She is emotional because she knows thyself
Sad when she is sad.
Happy when she is happy.
Angry when she is angry.
He is logical because he lacks emotional depth
Logical when he is sad.
Logical when he is happy.
Logical when he is angry.
Where then do these emotions go?
Now you wonder why they start wars and rape so many of our women
One dimensional logical human beings

"She don't want to be saved"

"She don't want to be saved"
How arrogant of men to think it is them who can save women.
Is it not those men who have created a world of turmoil?
Superiority complex
Weak emotional intelligence
Uncertain of himself
Unaware of the very ego that eats him up
So concerned for her safety
He forgot he was the biggest threat
Please don't try to save her.
She is not a chess piece.
You are not a knight.
Domino effect
I assure you the moment you save yourself
She and her sisters will be safe.

Walls

How many fortresses can she build?
Medieval walls.
Love is what she wanted most of all.

Expectations of a Widow

Cook. Clean. Look pretty. Reproduce. 

To be woman is to be disposable. We all do the same things. We are one monolithic group.

Twenty years a widow. She mourns.
Yet it took the widower twenty minutes to find a twenty year old girl.
Expectations of eternity. 
He quickly forgot her. 

- TheAfrolegalise 


What is it to be free?

They tell us to be free.
As though it comes so easy.
What does it mean to be free?
Where does she live?
How does she survive?
Why has no one dared to go there?
Who is she?
But you tell me to be free.
As though it is so easy.
If you buy me a one-way ticket.
I promise I would flee.

Resentment

A liberated daughter.
Mother resents.

Guilty by association

All the places we'll go.
Twelve years old.
Her body begins to blossom.
Beautiful red droplets on her bed.
She hides under her covers and begins to explore.
For her this is natural.
It is comforting.
It is relaxing.
These are the things little girls do.
Something happens.
Something changes.
Her body is now cold and stale.
Filled with shame.
Naturally guilty.
Or guilty by association. Female. Women. Girl.

Funanya

When did you first learn to love yourself?
How are you so confident?
Thirty years later .
Same questions asked.
What about the world we live in make this okay?
How is she borne into this world hating herself?
Questions of naivety and blissfulness.
Thirty years later.
Same questions asked.
But my question to you is has the world
Changed?

Thursday, August 27, 2015

Nwanyi

I am a woman.
I do not want to compete with you.
I want to be able to exist as I am.

Tangerines

My favorite look of the year. My two favorite clothing colors are orange and yellow. It is extremely difficult to find cute clothes in these colors!







Anti -Climatic

Girls taught that virginity is respectful
So if he's my first . He will respect me 
He will love me . He will do anything for me 
Exchange of fluids
Empty of compassion 
Respect contingent of his validation 
Pressures to keep it sacred 
Emotional roller coasters . 
Upside down . Hair blowing . Forehead sweating . Knotted abdomen . Whee. Almost 
Cli
mati
c. 
He's finished .
I feel like I'm about to throw up.
I just realized Everything they taught me was wrong . 
Fairytale turned nightmare . 

Unrequited love

Unrequited love .
Everything he loved about you was about him .
What could you do for him and how far would you go for him 
Self centered . Selfish 
You didn't do it for the thanks .
You did it because you saw importance in his humanity 
Your love was not with condition but with respect and understanding for what he went though. What he goes through . 
We bend . Bend . Bend until we break 
Broken . He abandons . 
Unrequited love . 

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Red Dresses and New York Rooftops

Strike a pose holding in and/or hiding your gut. Don't forget to breathe. They told us that beauty is expensive and painful. Such a beautiful message to tell young girls. 





Buff

They used to call me a man. Because I was buff and I had hair in all the right wrong places.





#Becocky

Cocky: noun
Overly self-assertive or self-confident.

I recently started the #becockymovement. I am very intentional in my use of cocky. 

James Baldwin once said , " There is something terribly radical about believing that one's own experience and images are important enough to speak about, much less to write about and to perform" . I have dedicated my platform to believing that my experience and the experience of other Black women are important enough to speak about, to write about, and to perform. To be radical, is to understand the root of the problem and commit oneself to uprooting the problem. To do opposite of what is fundamental and deemed "natural". While men are praised for being " arrogant" and " cocky", women are taught to be humble, coy, and "tame". There are many campaigns that tell women to be " confident" but I don't think the word "confidence" is as powerful as cockiness. I have watched how many have become uneasy with my use of cockiness. It is uncomfortable and shameful for a Black women to love herself unapologetically and assert her greatness. Serena Williams is the best athlete of our time and yet is told to remain humble. So if Serena Williams cant be cocky then who can?

I believe that every Black woman should be overly self-assertive and overly self-confident because the world around us renders us invisible. Everyday we are erased. Everyday we are policed. Everyday we are critiqued. Everyday we are asked to prove our humanity. For many of us, no amount of self-confidence and high self-esteem can trump society's negativity. It is up to us to affirm ourselves and one another. So with that #becocky ladies. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

Be peculiar. Be strange. Be weird. Be bold. Be corky. Be awkward. Be extraordinary. Be phenomenal. Be great. Be you. Be unapologetically You. 









Monday, August 17, 2015

Childish imagination.

Daydreams about you make me hopeful
Kids have imaginary friends 
I see no wrong with my imagination for you
I imagine your brilliance matched with my wit
I imagine you be as confident as you are humble 
Unapologetically in love with me 
Connecting with me in ways we couldn't be alone 
Rare is it to find someone so fascinated with me as I am with myself
Ha 
But that isn't it say I am not with Him 
Perfection is not what I'm Looking for 
Foundations help 
But a willingness to grow within and with me 
As I with you 
I often walk around smiling with thoughts of you on my mind
Everyday your bone structure transforms 
My own little creation 
In my head 
Because it's almost impossible for me to see such a being in a world so cold
A world that renders me invisible 
So I close my eyes and skip and there you are
But daydreams make you hopeful 
They give you joy 
So dream into existence I wait for you 
My heart is ready and my soul open 

Theorize

How precious it is to have words to describe 
How you feel.
I am madly in love with theory.
It gives credence to my experience while allowing me agency over my truth 

Journeying with Her

Chained to society 
I never felt 
Reduced to an emotion 
I could never express
Lost in what should be 
Searching for what I want 
Who I am 
Where I fit 
Versatile being with adderall thoughts 
Allergic to boxes And squares
Geometric shapes 
When life can't possibly work that way 
Learning to be free 
Learning to feel 
Learning to express 
Learning to be me 
Knowing that life can change me 
Learning to just be 
Be with what is but go where it may be 
Risk lover sheltered by her past 
Journeying with her to she 

Bucket of water



A continuous state of unlearning is
Nnam. dad.pops
Pouring ice cold water on my face in the morning when I finally close my brain to sleep
Constant insomnia . I can no longer sleep
Mediate . Medication. Short bliss full of pauses
Then she wakes

F to be F

Freedom to be free
How does one quantify such an unknown place
How does one capsulate it into words 
At times I feel as though this place can only be experienced temporarily 
It worries me that we may never be there 
That it only exist in our head 
When asleep in our bed
But when outside our souls seem so dead 
So defeated 
Everywhere we are . Everywhere we go 
Suffering and smiling pretending to be free
Or maybe it requires an unlearning of its Latin prefix origins
A new creation . A new vision . A new freedom 
A new meaning with an old experience 
In our dance And song 
Through struggle through pain 
Little bits of joy 
A temporal place for. Temporal state of mind 
Sometimes I feel it sometimes I don't 
One day 
If this does not make sense 
It's because this thought process is complex and I am often lost
Living in a world if binaries my knowledge of freedom is limited
But one day . Perhaps the complexities will be embraced and it will exist 
But may be 
Not